When in doubt, just wear black

Ok, riddle me this. How am I supposed to deal with this most humiliating of experiences such as I faced this afternoon?

Scene: A busy restaurant catering only to a lunch crowd. People are waiting for their orders at the counter, some are sitting. Pog, our protaganist, is waiting in a line for her tuna special. Ahead of her is a man, mid-30's, in a "Gillian"-style hat. He is accompanied by a woman who seems to be in her early 60's (his mother?).

Man: Hello.
Pog: (a little startled at the abruptness of the start of the conversation) Hello. How are you?
Man: Fine. How are you?
Pog: I am doing ok.

At this point, Pog notices the older women looking over nervously at the young man. Pog begins to sense there is more here than meets the eye.

Man: That is a nice shirt. What color is that shirt? Pink?

Pog has come to the realization that this man is developmentally challenged. He is now staring full on at her chest in a form fitting T-Shirt.

Pog: Yes, it is pink with some shiny things on it.

This particular T-Shirt has decorative lettering on it, mostly written backwards or upside down. The man is now trying to read her right breast.

Man: (moving his nose closer to her chest leaving only about 7 inches between the tip of his nose and her nipple) What does that say?

Pog: (holding her shirt away from her body) I don't know. I never tried to read it. I think it is just for show.

Man: I can see the letter N and I see the letter W.

Pog: I think that word is NEW that you are looking at but I don't think the people that made the shirt expected you to really read it. It is just a design.

Man: There is an R and an L.

Pog: There sure is. There are a lot of letters on the shirt.

Man's Mother (or whoever the heck she was): Ok, Jimmy. It's time to go. Say good bye.

Man: Good bye. Have a nice time.

Pog: Good bye Jimmy.

Well, it was about time. I was frantically trying to think up something to distract this man-child from making my cleavage the subject of a dissertation. My jaw still hurts from the smile that I pasted on my face so that no one would think I was uncomfortable in the situation.

This is the kind of stuff that happens to me all of the time. You have an uncomfortable situation that needs someone to absorb the discomfort while everyone else avoids eye contact? Call Pog! You need someone to feel bad about the person everyone else is steering clear of? Pog is your girl!

If you need me, I'll be picking out all of the embroidered logos out of the ass pockets of my jeans, lest I meet Jimmy again.