The Old Apartment

I am thinking of putting my Brookline apartment on the market. Well, more than thinking of it, I am going to do it but ever since I made the decision to sell, I have been feeling like someone ripped out half of my small intestines.

The apartment is a one bedroom standard brownstone right off Beacon street. I lived in it for 5 years. I bought it because the place that I was renting wouldn't allow pets and my rabbit Murphy wasn't going anywhere! I was tired of having to explain a pet rabbit to landlords so I looked for 2 weeks and found a place of my own. I barely thought about what I was doing.

I have had some good memories there - actually, great ones - and they are right in the walls and the floors. Kieran and I smashed through the bedroom wall into the living room and put in french doors. I had to walk around with a towel wrapped around my head for a month because of all the dust. I hosted Don's graduation party and catered it from the good Jewish delis in Coolidge Corner. Peter used to drop by with some prominent traditional irish musician and music would fill the entire building. There was Rob from Wales and his wacko lovelife; Michelle in her single days who would drop so we could figure out ways to get Pierce to propose to her (they finally eloped). Road would come out drinking on the Saturday and stay all Sunday. We watched Lifetime Television for Women like it was going to save our souls. I was living in that apartment while I was waiting by the phone for JPD to call. I made him the first meal we ate together there.

I had some of the worst memories too. Murphy died in the apartment. I watched 9/11 unfold in that apartment and learned that a good friend of mine was on the second plane that hit the towers. I cried myself to sleep after more bad dates and breakups then I care to remember.

That apartment is me when I was younger, my friends were single and ready to play, when Murphy was alive, when I still thought there was plenty of time for everything. I am losing that link back to my youth and to that life I once had. I have no regrets - none - and I am looking forward to what is coming but I miss things from that time at it has knocked me for seven. Half of me feels like if I don't sell it, I won't have to give all of that up. I also know that I am wistful for a place in time that is in my head and even if I moved back to Brookline, I wouldn't have that life anymore. In a way, I know I wouldn't want it back. I have a life now that I wouldn't want to trade for it.

Time to let go.