Life in the Country - Just close your mouth when you fall asleep

I offer up to you a brief alternative to the Anna Nicole Smith story. I have been watching for the last 30 minutes and already I have had an "entertainment specialist" a medical doctor, a psychologist and a judge wax philosophic on the subject of this woman's life and death. I am already almost bored. So as the media spin this story, I will talk about another kind of spinning...


One of the first things I noticed when I started living in the cottage was the swarms of bees that lived in the gutters. Tons and tons of bees. It is a short hop to a healthy fushia bush and their hive (I guess, I haven't seen the hive) so the commute for them is terrific. I have had numerous conversations over the years about what to do with the bees. Many are willing just to come in and kill them all for me. I am not comfortable with that at all. One guy said he would come and see what kind of bees they were, if they could be put into hives, etc. I would like that. He also told me that one house where he removed bees had a honeycomb that was 10 feet long and went up the entire lenght of the roof. He said he wouldn't be surprised if it was the same case in my house. I said "so you mean I could have honey dripping through the ceiling". He said, "yes, you could." If I had honey dripping through my ceiling, I am not sure how I would react. I would have a serious Willy Wonka moment just before I freaked out.


The second thing that I noticed was that, despite all the insect life just outside the front door, the buzzing, crawling, flying and generally being alive in the insect world, there was absolute silence and stillness in the house. No flies. No bees. Nothing. Eerie really. Then I started to look in the corners and by the fireplace, over the keyholes and the skylight. Webs like bedsheets. Webs like surgical gauze. Webs made by spiders which at first looked like this...






Well, not that big. More like this...


The spiders in the house are talented. If I hear a fly, I listen for about 15 minutes and I don't hear it anymore. I saw a spider the size of my pinky toe nail eat a bug the size of Mothra. I am not kidding. These spiders are so good at their job that I am afraid they may get ideas about the dog. Creepy.

I have had everything fly into the house at this point. I left the back door open at twilight for 3 minutes and I got 2 bats. During a storm, I got a little bird that we netted in the lace curtains and let out. It sat on the window looking in for a while before he flew away. But the fliers are nothing compared to the scurriers.

Next Episode of Life in the Country: "We can't trap them, they are too cute"